The Emotional Storm

Yes, of all the times in the day that Meg and Harm had to deal with; dinner was the toughest. Especially on the times when it was a group dinner. Then they all had to tuck in their inner feelings and try to put on a brave face so that others weren't able to tell how they were feeling. Meg was still pining for Tosh and Harm hurt because he wasn't even on Meg's radar other than being "friend-zoned" hard. The rest of the friends, with the exception of Liandra were unaware of the romantic tensions brewing between Meg, Tosh and Harm. Kimber was aware but chose to ignore it in the light of the fact that she had Tosh and that was all that was important.

But for Meg, those group dinners were so emotionally charged, because of the fact that she was in the presence of the man who essentially broke her heart.

No matter how much she wanted to put aside the pain of rejection, it still resonated every single time she watched him walk up those stairs with Kimber.

So she tried her best to put the pain aside...by going outside and trying to distract herself with other activities

...but eventually it got too much...and she went and confronted the man who had torn her heart to shreds.

"Tosh, I need to talk to you about something..." Meg approached him with a wary expression on her face.

Tosh thought to himself... oh, god...here it comes.... Despite the fact that he had appeared to be oblivious, he had felt every single bit of Meg's emotional pain directed at him as an empathetic human being, but he was in love with Kimber...and that was the unfortunate reality of the situation. He had done what he could to distance himself from that and that gave off the impression that he was oblivious. Meg's expression was one of bereft grief and suppressed anger.

Her simple question was one word: "Why"... and it touched off a potent memory.

Admiral Arleigh A. Burke Commissioned Officers' Mess
Yokosuka-shi, Kanagawa-ken, Japan 2330 hrs

The O'Club at Yokosuka had some pounding beats going on as Animal shook his head. He had several drinks already and it was rapidly approaching the point of no pain. Harm and Meg were enjoying their last night in Yokosuka before flying back in the morning to Washington, DC.

Harm was pretty much three sheets to the wind. He excused himself citing the fact that he had to pack. "Don't worry about me, Meg, I know my way home to the Nimitz." He leaned over blurrily to Animal, his movements grandiose with the intoxication, hand extended in the air. "Sir. I task you with bringing my partner home to the carrier."

"Understood, Lieutenant Commander Rabb." Animal said formally as he grinned back at Harm. "Dismissed."

"Aye, aye SIR!" he said loudly as he saluted sans cover. If he had placed his cover on, he'd be hit with a penalty of buying a round of drinks for every single officer in the O'Club. At least he had the faculties not to do that.

"This career isn't easy" Animal said reflectively once Harm had gone out the door. "With deployments and potential for war…it's not a situation that's conducive to what I would like in my life…" He pulled at his drink. Shaking his head he looked up at Meg.

"And what do you want out of life? Sir?" Meg asked.

"I guess…"there was a long pause and another couple of drinks before he answered, his tone wistful striking a chord in Meg "I want the white picket fence, the house, the wife, the two kids and dog and…" He paused and chuckled. "the half a cat…ok…an intact cat."

Meg replied. "I think everyone wants that, sir." Her tone was also wistful. That was something she wanted as well. It meant something to her that this officer, well-decorated and committed to his career was loosening up enough to admit this to her.

He continued…"But really, Lieutenant, all I really want is someone who understands me, who I am, as a person, not someone who just thinks of me as a guy with a sword in one hand, flight helmet in the other, and chest festooned with medals shouting.'Follow me, men! Glory or bust.'. Inside, I'm not that guy…" he chuckled to himself. "I must be drunk, Lieutenant junior grade." Animal had said. "Here I am, admitting all my problems to you."

"Well, sir, you're honest. I'm sure that the right woman will come along…" she stated. "I'm sure of it."

"Oh, you are, are you?" Animal asked grinning. Meg wasn't sure if it was the alcohol or a genuine grin. "What if I told you that I hoped that person had already crossed my path?"

"I think that's the alcohol talking, sir." Meg thought. 'What can of worms did I just open up.' And started backpedalling. "Well, hopefully you tell her the truth." She said.

"I hope she knows…" Animal said…looking at her with a crooked smile. It must have been the drink that loosened his lips like this. "At least after I opened up to her like I did. But must've been the booze." He grinned. "I'd better go home and pour myself into bed.", he took her hand, raised it up to his lips, kissed it. He got up as did Meg. "I think we'd better get a taxi, before I get even more drunk and can't find my feet."

Meg smiled softly at Animal. "Well, sir…I think we'd better call it a night." What he had said was doing laps in her mind.

Tosh was silent for a long time...as the memory played out in his mind.

Meg suppressed a sob as she said, "I waited for you..." a simple statement that had the emotional impact of a 50MT nuke.

Tosh replied, his own heart breaking, "How...was I to know that you were waiting for me? You disappeared for three years after Harm got falsely accused for Diane's murder and arrested, Krennick was trying to railroad him into an Article 118? And you were nowhere to be found. I searched, but the higher-ups told me to stop trying to poke the hornet's nest and I had no choice but to move on with my life.

"But you never even gave me a second chance..." Meg exclaimed, "Even when we ended up back together at this house? All your eyes were on Kimber and there was no room for me to even impress upon you that what you said in Yokosuka had sunk in...that I love you...and that I want you." she said...her fists clenched due to the emotional pain.

"I'm not going to put Kimber through that pain..." Tosh said simply as he looked at her. "I'm not going to reject her now that she's made her position clear and that you've told me your position."

It was too late for them, and Meg realized that. If Kimber hadn't already stamped her claim on Tosh, it was certainly clear now who he preferred. And Meg knew that he wouldn't waffle on that position. Once Tosh made his stand on a position that he thought was right, there was no budging him.

"I know...but I thought for some unknown reason, that we had a ghost of a chance. I know that isn't the case now." Meg said, trying to disguise her emotional upheaval with a non-chalant look, but the eyes were the windows of the soul; they were glassy with unresolved pain and unshed tears.

She tried one last time, "There isn't a ghost of a chance...is there?" she repeated then asked.

Tosh silently shook his head... but uttered a heartbreaking, "No...there isn't..." pausing for a moment. "I won't put Kimber through that..." he said again with finality bracing his shoulders with steely resolve.

"I see..." Meg said, with equal finality. "I hope that you and Kimber will be happy...together..." she said with a forced cheerfulness in her voice resolving in her heart to not let this break her.